Surveys of women across America reveal that 43% of women suffer from some form of sexual inadequacy due to low desire or performance issues. Most women today identify stress, fatigue and poor body image due to weight gain as their silent sex lives saboteur. Many complain that they are too stressed for sex because their to-do lists are often longer than the number of hours in a day.
Genie James, M.M.Sc. author of the newly released book "In the Mood Again," says if you feel this way it is no wonder when he reaches for you at night and you are dead tired, or in the morning when you are in a deep sleep, that you are simply not in the mood. Her suggestion (that has worked for thousands of women) is to add sex back into your to-do list and simultaneously check off those things you have been trying to put on your daily schedule to help you stress-less, lose weight and increase feelings of intimacy with your partner.
Here are a few tips:
1. Feeling stressed, overwhelmed and just plain blue, forgo the anti-depressant and hop in the sack: Medical studies show that a big health benefit of having regular sex (3 or more times per week) is lower blood pressure and overall stress reduction. Sex also causes the body to release more of the hormone oxytocin which stimulates feelings of relaxation and well being.
Try this idea for de-stressing while you get in the mood:
-After dinner and the kids are in bed, ask your partner to give you ten minutes alone in the bathroom, then to come on in. Draw a warm bath, add scented oils if you like, dim the lights and light some candles. Go ahead and get in the tub to start to unwind. The ten minutes alone will give you a chance to clear your head and, also, allow you to focus on preparing a space and time for feeling sensual and connected. The time apart will tease and excite him. When he joins you, perhaps take turns sitting with your backs in the curve of the other's chest and massage arms, necks...let your time together unfold from there and the splashes begin.
2. We all know that exercise reduces stress but somehow busy women too often find that the half hour they allotted for exercise gets squeezed out of their day. Guess what? Sex is great exercise and it can promote weight loss. It is good for your heart and you can burn 200 calories in 30 minutes of sex. James says to think of how you can incorporate exercises like the plank that strengthens your core, pelvic tilts that tighten your tush and your favorite yoga pose into a menu of exciting sexual positions.
Want to get in the mood and trim your tummy and tone your tush at the same time, try these ideas:
-Don't be bashful but don't fully disclose your intention. This means setting aside time for sex (just like you would going to the gym). As your warm up, talk about trying new sexual positions and give ideas (he will love you for this slightly naughty dialogue). Two things: let him think this is a new-found passion burst for you, rather than an alternative to your aerobics class. Also, James encourages you to use anatomical descriptions such as "what would it feel like if I put my leg on your shoulder" vs. intimidating Cosmo-like descriptions: "Let's try the upside-down portable pulley." Your sexual partner will most likely become your most avid and available personal trainer.
3. Take "what's for dinner" off your list for a night. Send the kids to grandma's or a sleep over and plan a finger-food dinner full of sexy treats.
Get in the mood by preparing a tray of raw oysters, smoked salmon, vegetable crudités, a little cheese and a few bits of chocolate (all contain sexy-healthy vitamins and minerals). Put on some flowing lingerie, tight-fitting yoga pants or jeans with a flattering top (whatever makes you feel relaxed and pretty), pop in a CD and put a blanket and some pillows on the floor. Open a bottle of red wine (also has health benefits) but be sure and pour only one glass for you and two at most for him or it could be lights out before the fireworks have a chance to start. Feed him. Let him feed you. Make it a game of intimacy: Take your time, talk and really listen. Let your fingertips linger as you pass and touch. Punctuate a laugh with an impromptu kiss. See where it goes from there...The dishes can wait till morning.
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